PART 2

NOVEMBER 24, 2024

COMEDY PART 2

There was a lot of controversial moments regarding sexism, race, homophobia. At one point I just lost it. Why don’t the directors stop this??? I would push back, make a stance. It caused a couple of huge fights which actually shut down production. I finally said I need to go.     Let’s talk about this for a bit. I had spent the last 2 years surrounding myself with positivity, avoiding toxic situations. I was busy writing comedy and performing. We had moved into a house and that was busy unpacking once again and getting resettled. I was also a part time travel agent and doing some traveling. I was very excited about doing this show which was a big secret for several months. I didn’t have any expectations. Just going to do it.

I had been with the show for 2 weeks. 3 people had been kicked off the show. My last 2 days had been tough. I actually was taken to another part of the house. It was air conditioned, they brought me a cool drink, talked to me. We talked about my reactions to some of what was being talked about that upset me. Eventually the director, Netflix woman, a psychiatrist on the phone and staff were all talking to me. I’m sure they were very aware of what was going on. I said I would stay on. The next day was so eerie. I would walk into a room and the others would leave. I was talking to one of the women. I told her something and immediately I realized she had been going behind my back the whole time. It was truly a devastating moment. It took me these 2 weeks to figure out what the hell was going on. These are not friends, they are contestants and they don’t care about me at all. There was a contest that evening and I lost. It was all I could do to not just sit there and cry. Being the loser took me into the vault. What a cool room it was. There was a book with the offer. $25,000 would be mine if I left immediately. I took the offer. It was very clandestine.  I had to be interviewed, then we had to go to my room and get packed. There were 4 of us doing it quickly. By this time it’s 2 am! I get in the van and it’s 2 hours back to the resort. I was in shock. Actually I was in shock for several weeks. It was a relief to leave. Winnie and Tolu had told the staff to tell me goodbye and they loved me. That felt nice.  We had signed a contract to not contact each other until the show was on. I followed this rule because they would take the prize money away. It was disappointing to see that this rule wasn’t followed by everyone and even thought it was publicized there was contact they still had their money. Once again. Nothing was real.

Now for the embarrassing part of this whole being on a reality show. I was given so much positive feedback while on the island. I thought the staff loved me. I had fun with the guys putting on our mics. I was funny, ha ha with funny comments. I was a pain when it came to food because it was all weird and half the time I didn’t know what it was. After a few days they brought in some hamburgers and fries and I began eating again. Thankfully this wasn’t a huge alcohol driven setting. There were many celebrations that involved clicking the glasses. Woo hoo, cheers. I finally did say is it impossible to put some ginger ale in my glass. One time 2 of the ladies did a yoga class outside which was nice. I don’t do yoga well because I have no flexibility. Zero. I participated, just couldn’t do a lot of the moves. The interviewers asked me if I didn’t do the entire class because I was upset. I told them no, I’m just unable to do all of it. I was far from perfect during the process. 

When I arrived home there were a few people I could talk about the show to but it was hard to explain. It was hard to talk about the emotional toll it took on me. Denny thankfully did understand and he was great. Anxiety became a big issue. I began therapy and added another med for anxiety. What was bugging me so. What would I look like on the tv show. Did everyone hate me. It went on and on for months. Therapy and the medication did help but it didn’t totally disappear. 

Since I was not familiar with reality shows, I really was clueless what I had signed up for. I’m not aware of what this show may mean for some. I do know I was the only one that didn’t understand that the people I was meeting and spending time with were not real. They were playing characters to achieve their goals. Number one goal was the money. Number 2 goal was to be discovered. I have spent 2024 reliving this show. What I know now is that these shows are all about social media followers. More followers equals more chances of some kind of fame. That might be another show. That might be getting invited to Netflix parties. That might mean invites to actually be on red carpets. Seriously. None of this was even in my wheelhouse….until it was!

The show premiered in January 2024. It ran 3 episodes, 3 episodes, and 2 in 3 weeks. I had a watch party for the first night. I had a great crowd and party. We watched 2 episodes. To see myself on TV was an emotional roller coaster all over the place. My clothes, my weight, my hair, my wrinkles, my belly… The self doubt went on and on. I had not idea what would happen online. My friend Dale and i spent days and days finding new articles about the show, about me, about the others. It was fascinating. I will say I was mostly loved, but also was considered a bitch. I was not playing a character to try to become famous. I played myself which everyone agrees. 

The aftermath of the show was weird. I was on several podcasts for reality shows. I am embarrassed to say I cried on most of them. Omgeee. What a goof ball. I was flown out to California for a couple of days. They interviewed each of us. Had professional make up. They all said they loved me. I cried during the interviews. They put me and Winnie together. I was okay with everyone except Jake. All the cast knew who he really was, It was shocking. I really am surprised that he was picked but apparently they wanted some like that participating. I think that because of him there wasn’t more that happened regarding the show. When social media discovered who he really was it blew up. So there ya go. Bad guy can still win. 

I was excited to do my comedy shows with a whole set about being on a reality show. How disappointing it was to see how many people did not watch the show. It became a set about nobody watching it. I am the unknown reality show star. A few nice things happened locally from being on the show. Some young men included me in their podcast and I was featured in a video song about Topeka. A comedy friend in Omaha had me come up for a couple of days. I was on a local tv show interviewing other comedians which was really fun. I will say this. If someone does recognize me they are really excited. Mama J!! It is fun and I am finally okay just being where I am regarding being on the show. I had my share of fantasizing about what I wish might have happened. Tolu has hit the big time and I know this was a goal for her. Julie is still in the news off and on and I know this was a big event for her. She has worked really hard to get where she is. I saw the cowboy on a red carpet recently for a fundraiser. Wounded warrior event I think. Winnie is doing big things in Houston and working hard on getting her brand out there.  It was an exciting moment in my life even though there were some struggles but I am thankful I can finally be okay with it.